Relink

will be blogging at JoshuaPhan.com

Choose life

Circles

This chapter is over

He's not coming home

Her heart in her throat

She falls to the floor

She shuns every memory

Every letter and call

Just to get through each second

She is slowly shutting off

Where is her sweet revenge

Who will she blame

Where is her freedom now

How can she reclaim it

He wipes the sweat from her face

As she moans in pain

A tiny and helpless life

Comes as if to say

Here is your sweetest gift

Take this moment it is safe

Its true pure and beautiful

In return for all of your pain

Eyes wide and heart warm

She sees him in her face

If you watch the way the world gives back

In circles you will trace

Familiar much?

song of the week

Just Cuz

With every noise, my heart beats faster

Is it fear or horrific imagination?

Is it wrong to want to believe? 

To believe that things can be good? 

But, I can't. 

Cuz, when everything seems to look bright again, 

God slaps you in the face to remind you that 

it isn't.

Liz

A lil something done by a friend.

To me, it's Lovely

It reminds me of something.

My past, and things happen in these few years.

I cant believe I'm actually 21,

I cant believe I've change my lifestyle for months now.

I cant believe my dad and mom is actually, getting older and older, day by day.

I cant believe someone who was used to be so close to me, had become a stranger to me.

Memories flying back.

I realize, I used to choose to delete things that I doesn't want to remember of. But these memories wasn't delete of as what I thought, it just hiding somewhere in a safe box inside my brain, where it wont appear automatically if I did not open the safe box.

I realize, time flies.

And I miss you.

Choosing

When you're down and you try and reach for the sky  And you sit down and wonder why oh why  Do you sit back and let those bad feelings hurt from within Or do you do something about it, so you feel comfortable in your own skin What you decide to do, is entirely your choice  You can sit back in silence, or you can let others hear your voice You can't go through life, being scared and afraid  There are all types of decisions that have to be made If you make the first move, you're halfway there The world is for living, you just have to choose to care. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Song of the week Britney Spears - Unusual You

Time for a change don't you think?

As usual, alot have been on my mind lately. Think i have to come to terms that i can't stop thinking bout little things in detail. I do have the tendency to reminisce a bit too much and blow everything out of proportion. Things that are bad i could always find a significant good in them. But it does comes with a price when the opposite hits where i could also find everything which are ugly bout a certain blessing. 

Paranoia fills me everytime when something which i believe is great happens. I'm one who never had what it takes to deserve such good things in life. Whenever i'm that close, things would always have a way of their own to wreck the entire situation. No, never once have i tasted greatness. Is there such a thing even? I doubt it so much especially when i know i can be easily satisfied. Yet i'm never with my own achievements. Ironic isn't it? Am i contradicting everything? Or what i truly believed in has been all a long a lie?

I know its difficult to accommodate my kind of personality and it does take great patience to sit down and try to understand me fully. From the surface, alot may realize that i have an easy going character within, that it doesn't take much to read me. Yes i am like that from the outside and it is part of me. But what about inside? I'm not proud to say that i'm a little on the disturbed side. Freaks the hell out of me even to say the least.

If i can't stand to see that in myself how can someone from the outside accept such characteristics? I know for one i'm not alone here. That there are some out there who has the same troubling personality. How can i ever share that out in the open and be free?... I really need someone to comprehend and understand what i'm going through inside every single day. Call me weak, but i just can't seem to do this on my own. It's been there every since i've learn to think for myself. 

It would certainly be an eye opener and relief if someone would take their time and just listen carefully on what i may not be willing to share. A battle with myself that's for sure. Ok i admit, i'm lost... I've been lost ever since the day i gave him up. But then again, i'm not willing to forsake everything that currently makes up JP of  just to fill that emptiness. No... not just yet. The music is always playing which means he who is the prince of this world is still dancing.... and i've been taken for that smooth ride... and enjoying it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Song of the week

Natasha Bedinglfield - pocket full of sunshine

Best i ever had

went out today, had sushi king with someone special.

Unagi is da bomb.

came home and decided to watch passenger.

a anne hathaway movie.

<3

check out that movie, its nice.

anyway. towards the end of the movie. 

*spoiler alert*, anne was on a plane and it was about to crash.

everyone panicked. 

there was this girl, she sat there clamly, tears started to form. 

she then put on her ear piece and listen to her favorite song.

she just sat there.

my hero

all that got me thinking.

if i were in her suituation,

will i be able to react like her?

and listen to that one song before i die.

what song could it be?

i turn on my itunes and look at my list.

i found this one song, the song that i used to like.

regardless of whether i was in/out of love.

Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had

i guess that song will be the song that i'll listen to a minute before i die.

and Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

if i get another minute.lol

anyway, heres the video.

Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so i
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever