Some Where Out There

I find it so strange how things are right now.

It feels as if she died.

And in a way, she has.

It isn't easy to find the strength to say goodbye, to let go.

Yet I have to accept its over for good.

I know in my heart it can never and will never be again.

And it just hurts.

To hear an sms or a call and know it will never be her.

To not think about her or what she's doing anymore because it doesn't matter.

To not care or worry about her well-being because its none of your concern.

To never do all the things you used to do with her because she isn't in your life.

To not be able to ask her how her day was because you don't need to know.

To not rant about your shit or look to her for comfort because she doesn't care.

To not love her anymore because there is no point.

To not be able to give a damn because you simply have no right.

Relationships that don't work out seem stupid now.

There is never a guarantee that it will for a myriad of reasons.

Yet we fall into them, over and over again.

Ignoring the prospect of future pain.

Hoping that just because it looks like it and feels like it,

it might actually be 'it' this time.

But I'm naive that way,

I'll never stop believing in possibilities.

It feels weird having to tuck her into my memory-box and seal it shut.

But that's really the only way I can cope right now.

The only way to go on.

That way she will always stay beautiful to me.

Unmarred by the ugliness of what happened,

Untainted by the hurt, confusion and pain,

Untouched by the stranger she has become.

I know she's out there, living and breathing

and laughing and smiling and enjoying her life.

But that person just isn't her,

It simply can't be.

The girl I will always love lives only in my past,

In my watercolour memories,

That's the only place she will ever exist for me,

Because that is the only place she loved me.

And that is all I ever want to remember.